It’s Thursday, so I’m Crafting my Life! This year, I’m just writing about whatever is currently on my mind. And if you would like to chime in and contribute a guest post about your own journey, please drop me a line and we’ll chat.
My son Jacob is starting daycare in a few days. He’ll be attending part-time, at the same childcare centre we sent Hannah to when she was his age. He’s been on the waiting list for a long time, and I think this is a good time for him to start. Although, as with any change, I do have mild trepidations about how it will go. Will Jacob hit the other kids? Will my non-napper be OK during nap time? Only time will tell, but on the whole I’m very happy that he’ll be in such excellent care.
There was a time when I would have raised an eyebrow at a mother sending her child to daycare when she’s not employed outside the home. My daughter Hannah started daycare as a one-year-old because I was returning to work, and it was very wrenching for me. I couldn’t imagine voluntarily subjecting myself and my child to that kind of separation. At the time, I had a very idyllic idea of what life would be like as a work-at-home parent.
And then, somewhere around the time that Hannah was the same age Jacob is now, something changed. She became more outgoing, and more content to accept care from people other than me. She made friends at daycare, and had the chance to gain experiences that she couldn’t have easily had at home. I also realized that if she wasn’t in daycare, she was at the age when I would likely have started her in preschool.
On top of that, I had the experience of working part-time from home (thanks to a flexible work arrangement) when Hannah was a toddler. I discovered that it’s not so easy to be productive while you’re also wrangling a two-year-old. Kids that age need a high level of supervision, and they’re not good at entertaining themselves. I started to understand why someone who was running a home-based business would use childcare. If you’re going to be productive, it really helps to have some kid-free time to do it in.
I tried hiring a nanny as a compromise position last fall. It allowed my kids to be at home, with each other, while I spent a few hours at the library getting work done. It worked well for a time, but then Wonder Nanny had a family emergency and ended up leaving the province for good with virtually no notice. I understand why she did what she did, and I wish her well. But I’ve seen first-hand how depending on a single person can leave you hanging when life happens. I’m hesitant to do that again.
And so, after six weeks without childcare, I’ll be the mom who spends the day at home while her kid goes to daycare part-time. (Side note: Why do I keep feeling the need to point out that it’s part time?) I think it’s the right choice for me. I have been neglecting some important projects, and I haven’t been able to take new things on. And Jacob is ready. He asks every morning if today is the day he can go to school. He knows the centre from taking Hannah there for the first two years of his life. And I trust that he’s in good hands, and that his experienced teachers can handle anything he throws their way.
When you have kids, your world changes. We all know this. You can’t just drop everything and go to the late movie or spend hours browsing a book store. And you can’t spend all day at your computer while also caring for your child. As parents, we all have to structure our own lives in a way that works for us. That includes how we balance work (inside or outside the home) and caring for our children. Whether you use daycare or not, whether you send your children to school or not, and no matter how old your child is, you are the only one who can assess how your situation is working for you. I’m just crossing my fingers that my new set-up will work for me. And if it doesn’t, I’m open to changing it.
I’d love to hear how you manage work – paid or unpaid, inside or outside the house – with caring for your children. Did you find that there are certain ages when it’s easier to work while your kids are around? How did you find the right care setting for you? And are you happy with how things worked out? Please share!
PS – Every month I do a monthly review of things I learned. Some are serious, some are funny, and all are hard-won. I will be running my June review on Sunday, July 3. If you want to play along, there will be a link-up, so write a post on or before the link-up date and come back here to include it.
I had to go back to work 6 weeks after my daughter was born and I was very nervous about having her in daycare. I am happy to say that it’s been really great for her. She’s making friends, loves her teachers, and gets to do a lot of activities that I wouldn’t have thought of.
In the winter when we were all sick with a bout of bronchitis and I attempted to work from home, I decided at that there was no way I could work from home full time and get anything accomplished. I told my husband that initially I was hoping to telecommute and keep my daughter at home with me, but then she’d miss out on all the experiences she has at daycare and I wouldn’t get any work done.
Now I know that she enjoys her time there and I get a bit of a baby break each day (with a high needs baby, I definitely need it!). And when we get home at night, I can snuggle up with her knowing we both had good days.
Holly’s last post … Transitions
My child care situation is unique, but I feel like it’s right for my family. My husband and I both work full-time, and it isn’t an option for either one of us to stay home with the kids.
I always knew I wanted to be a working mom. However, I spent years working in traditional day care centers and decided they were not for my children. I think my family has found a solution that makes everyone happy. (I have two sons, one born just three weeks ago.) I am an ESL teacher, so I have enviable hours and summers off, but I also do freelance writing at home. For next year, I’m also going to be teaching some graduate school classes one night a week.
Two days a week, my mother-in-law comes and stays with us to babysit. She is a very loving, indulgent grandma who used to be a teacher herself, and she treasures her time with the kids. However, she couldn’t take care of them full-time. I think it would become too much of a “job” and too exhausting. Plus, she’s a retired lady who spends lots of time out with her friends, enjoying life.
So the other three days, I found a home-based day care center right behind my school. (I mean, literally, right behind my school. I can see the kids playing in her backyard from my classroom window.) Our caregiver used to run a montessori school, and has a small group of multi-age children she cares for, including her own kids. I feel that my older son has matured and grown so much in her care, and that the interactions with other children at different ages have positively impacted him.
I get home from work pretty early, plus I have lots of time with the kids during vacations and over the summer. So for me, I think I have just the right balance. I spend lots of time with the kids, but I also feel fulfilled professionally. It might be a little unique, but it works for me.
Melissa E.’s last post … Nearly Wordless Wednesday: Enjoying the Sunshine
If I could have a grandparent care for my kids even part time, I would be all over that. I think it can be really great.
It sounds like you have a solution that works for you – and that’s all that matters!
Oh you must be so relieved to have childcare again! Hoooooray! Sounds like Jacob will be just fine with the transition. I had to leave my then-12 month-old at a daycare when I went back to work and that 9 months until my 2nd child was born was so long and horrendous.
I have no childcare (other than the occasional free day when my parents can take my kids). But then I also have no paying work.
My husband is my childcare provider. It sucks but it works because he is free. He gives me two hours twice a week at night to work. Yes, I have a four hour work week. The rest of my “work time” is after the kids are asleep, from 9pm – midnight or whenever I decide to go to sleep, depending on how much I have to do. It is hard and at times impossible. Like yesterday when I had a conference call and my husband had a meeting at HIS work at the same time so I was basically screwed. Good for you for getting outside childcare, you are already so productive (how DO you write these long posts every day? I’m in awe) and I imagine only good things will come of it for all of you.
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I do after school care, so I can have an income and stay home with my kids. They are both in school full-time, so I could have a part time job during those hours… but even at 7, it’s a LONG day for Caitlin at school. Roland would have been fine going to daycare for an hour or so at her age, but she is ready for some cuddles by 3PM. I like that I can get all the housework done while everyone else is at school and work… it’s a lot easier than when the kids were younger.
Oddly, there are people out there who think I work with Theo at home. Um. NO. Right now it’s part-time family and our close friend who lives downstairs who take care of Theo. But come September, we’re hoping to find part-time childcare (YES ONLY PART-TIME because WE LOVE our child – ha ha). He loves other kids, love, love, loves them. The high point of his days with me are hanging around the school yard looking for action. I think, as you pointed out, that he’ll flourish in that environment.
That said, I want to see him more than weekends and evenings so hopefully my part-time work sked will continue. He’s my only child and I want to spend as much time with him as I can while he’s young. *sigh*
This is our biggest challenge right now! We’re sort of overlapping start-ups and homeschooling and it’s a whole lot of juggling. Our issue is being able to afford some help right now b/c their are plenty of awesome community programs that I would be happy to enroll the two older boys in, but it starts to get pricey and right now we don’t have extra money.
Happy you are finding a solution!
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I always am envious of folks who have grandparents near. We don’t. I grew up in care of them when my parents couldn’t. I had very close connections with them.
I work part time at nome with them in tow. I dont work out of the home as my take home pay after everything would be $350. So if my part time work takes off I would look into having a sitter. Working after 9pm gets hard to be productive. I once locked myself in the bathroom so I could finish a conference call!
Everyone has different needs and if you fond what works for everyone-you all win!
Danielle’s last post … Preschool Pride
One morning a week of childcare when they were little, no paying work. Courses, volunteer work, husband who travels a lot. Working Moms have my undying admiration.
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I don’t have childcare, and as I’ve taken on more web design work it has become brutal. I can’t work with the kids around – they’re too rambunctious. I’ve been working super late – as you know – and I’m burnt out. It’s hard to even formulate blog posts because I’m so exhausted all the time. I have considered day care, but since my son starts school full time in the fall, and my daughter will start preschool, two days a week for 4 hours a day, I’m going to hold off until then. I figure I’ll use that time to work…or completely vegetate.
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Somehow, for the first year of the Critter’s life, I did pretty much all my paid work when he was sleeping — at nap time or at night. I didn’t work much the first 3.5 months of his life, and there were a few weeks of un/underemployment that spring … but still. I don’t know how I did it.
Now the Critter is in school (a wonderful Montessori school) three days each week. I work then, and at night, and *sometimes* during his naps. There have been a few days, though, when he was sick or I was scrambling to meet a deadline, and I worked with him at my side, crawling all over me, and etc. Terrible, awful, really bad days. There are sure to be more like them, though, so I do need to figure out how to do them better, if not well.
Rachael’s last post … Three Ways to Share the Psychic Burden
You’re awesome!! We have had a variety of childcare situations: college aged women who come to our home, home based daycare, and trading between my husband and I (we both do shift work, so we opted to work opposite shift patterns for awhile so one of us was always with the kids), and our current situation: me at home. Have you read Jessica Valenti’s “Feministing”? That book took away my guilt about using childcare. She talks about how the work/stay at home debate is a luxury of wealth: women have been working to support their families for centuries, and we need to get over ourselves. It changed my entire perspective. Women work. It’s great! We live in community, and I believe we are designed for community. Daycare is a part of community!!
I recommend Feministing for a bunch of reasons aside from her perspective on women working and being parents, it was a very good book.
=)
Melissa Vose’s last post … The Baby Who Wouldn’t
Ah guilt, the parental condition!
Like you, I also felt the need to clarify that my toddlers were only in “part-time daycare” – they did 3 days per week at a centre, 1 day with grandma and 3 days at home with me. I relate!
Also like you, however, I feel that age 3 was the age at which my kids changed and became ready to reap the benefits of being in a centre with other children. I think your Jacob has great potential to really enjoy this childcare experience. As well, it will give you personally a lot better balance, being able to really be *with* the kids when they’re present, and not having to try and cram business stuff in while also looking after little ones.
Good luck! I hope it works out well.
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